Lessons in Life

[qqmeng]

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
there



__________________________________________________ _________________________________________________

A little bird was flying south for the winter.

It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow
came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the
sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly
dug him out and ate him.


Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who ****s on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

[Freaky]

:azz: no wonder qq so much money and successful...


...he has so much wisdom...;)

:D

[alancheong7]

Q, thanks for the reminders :D:D

[qqmeng]

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun
said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss
a great opportunity

__________________________________________________ ___________


A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk.

"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on
the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want
those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say

[stockie]

QQMengator is very wise!

[alancheong7]

Me :whipped: Q
:mad:

Psa 129:1 A Song of degrees. Many a time have they afflicted me from my youth, may Israel now say:
Psa 129:2 Many a time have they afflicted me from my youth: yet they have not prevailed against me.
Psa 129:3 The plowers plowed upon my back: they made long their furrows.
Psa 129:4 The LORD is righteous: he hath cut asunder the cords of the wicked.
Psa 129:5 Let them all be confounded and turned back that hate Zion.
Psa 129:6 Let them be as the grass upon the housetops, which withereth before it groweth up:
Psa 129:7 Wherewith the mower filleth not his hand; nor he that bindeth sheaves his bosom.
Psa 129:8 Neither do they which go by say, The blessing of the LORD be upon you: we bless you in the name of the LORD.

[qqmeng]

alan.. haha... i have no idea what that is, i just copy :D

[alancheong7]

alan.. haha... i have no idea what that is, i just copy :D

You naughty lar .... must double check first nia :D

[Freaky]

:jaw:qq read the bible.....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHa...

[qqmeng]

Three answers most scared by men

(Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want la, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good la, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..




(Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good la, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything


(You decide)
Men: Then we just go home lo
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want la
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it la... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk lo. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anyting
(Look around... no one here, gonna kill her....)

Just A Joke To Share With You All :D

[calvaryzone]

hahahaha.. lucky my gf dont asnwer like that to me... i hope not... :?

[qqmeng]

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up


__________________________________________________ ____

[Freaky]

ok qq... He's one from Eddie Murphy...

A bear and a rabbit was next to each other doing some "big business'. The bear asked the rabbit...

"Do you have problem with poo sticking onto your fur?"

In which the rabbit replied...

"No, I don't.."

"Great..." the bear replied.

Then he picked up the rabbit and wipe his ar*e with the rabbit...

(Of course when Eddie tells a joke, more *ahem* colourful words are used)

Moral of the story: None...it's just funny :D

[derickuan]

LAWS OF NATURE -just when you don't want it!

Bell's Theorem:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

Cannon's Karmic Law:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
the next morning you will have a flat tire.

O'brien 's Variation Law:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than
the one you are in now.

Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with
someone you don't want to be seen with.

Willoughby's Law:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Zadra's Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Breda's Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Owen's Law:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to
do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Howden's Law:
You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the mailbox.

Pakkianathan's Theory:
When you start drinking in a pub with your friends, your wife will call you
on the handphone.

The Office Email Theory:
The moment you open an email attachment with funny or adult pictures, our
boss walks into your cubicle.

[qqmeng]

DK...sad but true ;)

[qqmeng]

Before the marriage :

He : Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She : Do you want me to leave ?
He : NO ! Don't even think about it.
She : Do you love me ?
He : Of course !
She : Have you ever cheated on m e?
He : NO! Why you even ask ?
She : Will you kiss me ?
He : Yes !
She : Will you hit me ?
He : No way ! I'm not such kind of person !
She : Can I trust you ?


After the marriage, you can read it from bottom to the top !!!!

[derickuan]

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed
room with an open window.


Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.


Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the
situation.


If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.


If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing.


If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.


If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.


If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.


If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.


If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information technology.


If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.


If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has
been moved. Put them in sales.


If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing.


If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning.


And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick
has been moved.


Congratulate them and put them
in top management.

[alancheong7]

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed
room with an open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.


If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.


If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing.


If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.


If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.


If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.


If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.


If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information technology.


If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.


If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has
been moved. Put them in sales.


If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing.


If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning.


And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick
has been moved.


Congratulate them and put them
in top management.

ROTFLOL...!